There is too much changing and I can’t seem to hold on.
There is a terrible fear I experienced when my children left home. I have very desperate need sometimes to have sameness and stability. I have a need for routine and through my children s teen years I was tested deeply with my measure of ability to cope with change
I’m uncertain there is any way through words I can describe this. I have tried many times to explain it to my husband with very little success. If you are Autistic you will know what I mean.
Reality is so confusing sometimes and what seems to be extremely chaotic.
I found myself putting my grandsons blocks neatly into a row. I felt a little calmer while doing this. Except the colors were all mixed together and that gave me anxiety.
Perhaps for those of us in the Western world we could describe this feeling as being similar to turning on a light switch and the light not coming on. The normal response would not be “ oh that’s normal!”. The normal response would be “what is wrong with the switch” Now add in the darkness an unknown animal growling. You can’t see it but you can hear it.
As a child I could tell you what ever meal for dinner was going to be. Some days my grandmother mixed it up but for the most part the meals were scheduled. Each evening after school had its own schedule too.
Monday we got to play
Tuesday Was children Bible group
Wednesday was Prayer meetings
Thursday was Piano lessons
Fridays was youth group
Saturdays was cleaning the church and shopping
Sundays was church
I am grateful for the consistent patterns of my childhood and often wish for those days to return.
Hebrews 13- 8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
Thanks goodness for this. Living in a world where it’s speed, sound and sites constantly are changes I need some sort of anchor to hold onto.
Autistic Tip- Try to add at least one constant into life that never changes. This helps us so much
For example my amazing husband loves to stay up late at night and I prefer to go to sleep early. My husband will lay with me every night until I fall asleep. This is a constant and something I have grown to really appreciate that he does. Even if the day has been chaotic and full of the unexpected when it comes time to sleep his presence is always there.
From the Autistic Mind- I just need to hold on to something that stands still.
