What is the normal actions of a ladybug? Those tiny red bugs that have black round spots.
I often wished to be a ladybug and maybe if past lives are really true I was.
Faking what the majority call normal is not easy. I went to a funeral one time where I felt so uncomfortable I just smiled. (my thing to do when I feel uncomfortable) and yet for a funeral even a smile was inappropriate. My friend pointed out the other day that when her husband died at his funeral people would ask her how she was. What a silly question! The question itself was inappropriate and yet she would answer “I am ok” all the while thinking..
What do you mean how am I? My husbands dead!!! Think about it.
In this world there are so many pleasantries and polite gestures that are far from being real and to an Autistic Mind this can be utterly confusing.
Why do people say they are ok when they are clearly not ok?
Why do people say how are you but never really want the answer?
In the land of ladybugs with rounds spots I seem to have the square spots and they are obvious at times regardless of how much I try to shape them into being round.
I do not like to fake being normal (whatever normal is) As a child my lack of understanding what people meant was taken as me just being shy or quiet but I really did not honestly understand them.
These days you will see me out away from my home and say hello and I will reply with hello, how are you? Very few people really answer that question regardless if I really meant I really am concerned to know.
So these days I am leaning towards being myself regardless if it is acceptable in this world. I never was a stay at home housekeeper/cleaner kind of woman who canned foods and bakes. I never was a business woman who enjoyed an office desk and telephone. I never was a factory worker who spend hours doing the same thing I didn’t enjoy over and over.
I never was a lady bug with round spots
I am an artist and a writer with my own unique talents and my own idea of what normal could be.
Just for me though, I would never dare dream of what was normal for you
Autistic Tip- We cherish individuality and the unique abilities of those we meet in all areas of their being. We aren’t very good at societies idea of normal. We do fake normal so often in a day and it is tiring. It is so difficult to not be able to trust our own instinct. This is sadly what happens when we are shaped into being what others believe we should be.
The other day down in the kitchen I caught myself flapping my arms. I stopped immediately wondering why this was so unacceptable when I was a child when it felt so good and normal for me to do. I never wanted to embarrass anyone and to me it sort of felt like laughing more than laughing.
It may not be so obvious to everyone that its not easy to shape a square into a circle but I see time and time again Parents and Friends and Loved ones still try. So why did I title this “How ideas destroy Instinct” because certainly not all ideas destroy instinct but it is the Idea of what normal is that destroys a persons ability to trust their own instinct and makes them fake life. I’m sure faking normal has become normal to many Autistics.
